thwarted. every night painted toes remind me. oh how so much has changed in span of five days. used to look down think happy thoughts, now surprised every night by bright red. no longer good thoughts but bittersweet. geez why get so melodramatic about something so meanlingless—a crush—probably never occured to her but becomes obsession for me because it hurts and why do i let it bother me? there’s no end, not like it ever started. got too much to do. other things to worry about—too little time. still haunted by red toes. blow to the ego. she came by on obligatory hello, tried to retreat to room, try to be nonchalant. she notices the weird behavior. maybe she’s smarter than we give credit, but that would be bad because if she knew and rejected then that’s even worse. aargh—how come i can’t write about anything else? nothing else emotionally arresting. work on pcc a lot tomorrow…why didn’t they confirm anything at point blank? what the dealio?