I was at a party with a bunch of people that I don't know. Sitting on the couch being bored. I heard strange sounds coming out of the hall coat closet. I leaned closer. The theme music from Star Trek, softly emerging from the wood slats of the door. Then it switched to "What's my Name?" by Snoop Doggy Dogg. Christine's friend, Rick, was there. "Do you hear that?" I asked him. He didn't know what I was talking about. I got up from the couch and opened the closet door. The music stopped. There was nothing inside but coat hangers.
I returned to the couch to find a pretty girl watching me curiously. I started to explain about the Star Trek theme in the closet, but decided it was better to keep it to myself. Her name was Susan. She was pursuing a PhD in History at the University of Chicago. She also teaches American History to freshman twice a week. She asked about me. We chatted for the rest of the evening. She wore the dark glasses that Matt likes. Funky blond haircut. She shifted position on the couch and brushed her hand on my leg in the process. I was smitten. And she liked me too.
She asked me to walk her home. We ended up walking for hours, as she led me through the park, along the lakefront, up and down the treelined streets. The conversation flowed. I asked her what area of History she specialized in. She didn't have a specialty, she said. She liked all History. I thought that was strange for someone pursuing a PhD. She almost went to Northwestern, she said, but her friends out-East convinced her not to. She was smart and funny and sexy and mysterious.
Finally we arrived at her apartment. She wanted to give me her number, but she didn't have a pen. She invited me upstairs. I looked around as she wrote the number on a green Post-It. Her apartment was student-standard.
"Call me on Friday morning between 10:30 and 1:30", she said. "That's when I have free-time. I'll be home."
At the door, she paused expectantly. I leaned foward for a hug. She went for a kiss. We collided awkwardly, her lips glancing off the side of my chin.
We were both embarrassed. We re-set our positions, then both leaned forward for a kiss. I closed my eyes and kissed...
Suddenly, she screamed and pulled away. I opened my eyes to see her disappear down the hall and slam the bathroom door. I stood there, stunned.
Her roommate came running out from the back bedroom in her pajamas, giving me the look of death. "You should leave now," she said firmly. My mouth opened but no words came out. I was so confused. The roommate glared at me.
"Is Susan okay?" I asked. "I just want to know if she's okay." The roommate sensed my genuine concern and pointed to a cabinet.
"Find the Band-Aid Removal Cream," she ordered, as she started filling a bucket with water. I could hear Susan crying in the bathroom. I rummaged through the cabinet, but couldn't find it. In the process, I must have accidentally knocked someone's toothbrush onto the floor.
"I don't see it here," I said to the roommate. Exasperated by my incompetence, she walked over and pulled out a small bottle of Band-Aid Removal Cream. Then she noticed the fallen toothbrush. I was standing on it.
"You're standing on Susan's toothbrush," she shouted. "Please leave!"
Then I woke up to go to the bathroom. It was 4:30 am.
I looked in the mirror to find that MY NOSTRILS WERE CRUSTED WITH FLAKY WHITE SCABS!!! It was horrible. Crispy and crinkly like a burnt hot dog. Friday’s experiments with alternatives to Kleenex have turned me into a freak!
At that moment, I decided that regardless of how healthy I felt in the morning, I will not go to work. That is why I am at home today, rubbing Aloe on my nostrils.
I cannot present this face to the world.
After my late-night scare, I fell back to bed for the next dream…
I was at another party. Emily was the host. I was scheduled to deejay, but I hadn't started yet. Emily was rushing around, arranging plates of food on the end-tables.
I hung-out on the couch with Emily’s work friends. I think I was the only man at the party, so I was the center of attention. Every couple of minutes, from across the room Emily would try to toss small candies into my open mouth. Most of them landed in my lap or bounced off my chest.
Heavy Rotation: Femi Kuti