What Happened at Senate?
Just a few remarks from an innocent bystander at last evening’s ASG meeting.
I would like to start by warmly congratulating the Executive Board for a flawless performance in rules manipulation and forcible agenda-setting. The time invested in legal research to build an air-tight case against any motions seeking to overturn the decision of the Judicial Committee to void the elections paid off big time.
The vociferous opposition from candidates Bhardwaj and Connor, which at times threatened the decorum of the proceedings, was coolly dismissed by our capable Speaker. Even when delivering that powerful line, (“Everyone fucking shut up!”), our Speaker looked in control, decisive, and suave. Then Speaker Patterson delivered some rhetorical gems that would make George Orwell proud. In particular, we have the 1984-ish “There are no results. Those elections never happened.”
What followed then was an elegant legal argument, worthy of Clarence Darrow or perhaps even the exalted John Marshall. The argument concluded in this: the power of the Judicial Committee to judge the validity of the elections was absolute and irreversible; an overturning would require the suspension of the bylaws, which according to Robert’s Rules, is an impossibility. Then someone pointed out that the reversal of bylaws had been a common practice in recent ASG history. And here the Speaker delivered the punch line: we have always been wrong before, but today, of all days, we will choose path of the righteous and the enlightened. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, today is the day of atonement: we will ignore all of that evil precedent and, for once, adhere to The Rules.
It was most surprising to this observer that the Senate apparently swallowed this pill whole. Not one Senator fought this complete disregard for stare decis and the fact that the Speaker chose to selectively enforce this provision at this particular time. After this moment of paralysis, it was all over. The Speaker quickly pushed the debate to setting the rules for the new election, thus quelling any lingering doubt, dissent, and remorse.
The Senate chose to waste the time, resources, student patience, and the now very scarce and frayed legitimacy of ASG to redo an election that was, for all practical purposes, legitimate and valid, particularly when compared with the much more serious “irregularities” that have plagued past elections but which have nonetheless been declared valid.
Most alarmingly, the Senate fell prey to a clever maneuver by the establishment using the machinery of parliamentary rules to protect its own. (After all, rumor has it that a certain, especially well-groomed candidate came out in third place.) But, as our beloved former VP McGuire would say, “Boys and girls, keep your eye on the ball.” In politics, all is valid, and the Exec Board just threw you a screwball, and you didn’t even see it coming.
—Mr. Mauve