Candidate Web Site Reviews
NOTE: Anybody who takes issue with these reviews can feel free to review our ASGossip site with the same biting critique used by the esteemed author of this piece
About as much as a gorilla needs a copy of War and Peace, such goes the world’s need for more crappy web pages. If you bring something to the table, however, the door is wide open. Crappy design, repulsive artwork, bad HTML style, and smelly feet turn a blank text document into one of the world’s cardinal sins: a bad web page. The W3C, the international consortium that determines the fate of the Internet as an entity, has called on me, the semi-infamous (and hoping to one day have full “infamous” status) Mr. Magenta to distinguish between the two ends of the cyber-spectrum: crap and non-crap. My medium—the ASG candidate sites. My tools—my profound knowledge of web design and HTML. My motivation—maybe Karyn Bass will buy me lunch (not bloody likely after the review of her project).
ASG President
Karyn Bass
The final words at the bottom of each of Bass’ pages is “This site designed free-of-charge by: SCM.” If it wasn’t free of charge, Ms. Bass, I suggest you file suit immediately. Admittedly, the hardest part about building a site is coming up with the content. Your artwork and layout can rival the Sistine Chapel, but if your copy consists of “Uh-duh,” your hit count will hang in single digits until Gary Hart gets back into a presidential election. Bass does have her content there. The “Meet Karyn” page lays out the important issues—“I am blah blah blah, I’ve done blah blah blah”—in a nice, homely manner. Makes you feel like you’re sitting on a porch swing in the balmy Mississippi summer talkin’ politics with Karyn. And she doesn’t miss the opportunity to yank out of her pocket that picture of her with Bill Clinton. My biggest gripe about this page: what does Õ mean?? Is it an apostrophe?? What is WomenÕs Coalition?? A second of proof reading would have prevented this problem. Anybody knows the difference between ASCII character 146 and ASCII character 213. Don’t they?
Her platform page, again, has the content. But what’s up with the bulemic margins? She really should have tested on multiple screen sizes (any web person knows that) to prevent it from looking ridiculous on my kick-ass monitor. The “Why You Should Vote for Karyn” page is marred by a brutal error in using the <LI>. Why is “Video Store in Norris” on a separate outline level than “Bar Nights at Norris?” I guess we’ll never know.
Bottom line—to my homey SCM, the creator of this gem, don’t quit your day job. But Bass’ platform and experience improves the site a bit. Reminds me of William Jennings Bryan’s website during the 1892 election. He got his ass whooped, though.
Jason Briggeman
Anyone remember surfing the Web on Mosaic 1.0 back in ‘92? The browser that didn’t support tables, frames, forms, or pretty much anything else. Let’s just say Briggeman’s site would’ve been fully supported. Ouch, all of that unorthodox black text on a white background is hurting my eyes! Boy, using blue links, now that’s wild and crazy. Just call him “superfreak.”
Before I get any farther, mucho, mucho shoutouts to Monsieur Briggeman for his numerous links to ASGossip and for acknowledging the prophetic nature of our undertaking. Unfortunately, the totalitarian regime that is ASG made him remove these links from his campaign site. Fight the power!
In the process of tarnishing all that is web design while creating this site, Briggeman might have set a record: his “Contact” page consists of only 17 words, and his “Facts” page, 28. That’s gotta be some kind of world mark. I’m impressed. Duh, I was being sarcastic if you couldn’t tell. He did spend a lot of time keeping the page updated with news about the election and levied fines, and did express his platform well, but Mussolini also made sure the trains always ran on time. Some things don’t make up for others.
Kim Montgomery
Atten-hut! Bring sister Montgomery front and center. Give her a cigarette and the blindfold and let the firing squad begin. What’s so funny? Don't you know you're about to be shot?
Not a drop of color anywhere on the site, the firing squad picture front and center…doesn't this site look like the sole emotional outlet of some Gulag prisoner? Netscape supports 16 million color JPEGs for a reason. Depending on your mood, you can make the text color, link color, visited link color, etc., pretty pinks, greens, and even persimmon, if you dare. Unless you’re in one of those goth moods, which it’s apparent the site’s esteemed designer, Patrick Kalyanapu, was in during the development phase.
The only other page to the site, the “Platform” page, violates one of the basic no-no’s of web design. Putting an intense amount of black text on a white background with nothing to liven it up besides the occasional paragraph break is bad. Is this an election platform or the new IRS tax codes? The odds of anybody making it more than 20% down the page is very, very unlikely. Even Montgomery’s mother would probably be surfing onto some porno site after the second paragraph.
Brian Oberhauser
Hey, it’s Howdy Doody time, boys and girls!
I must say, the site is by far the best I’ve reviewed so far. The design is nice, the color scheme is well thought-out, the mouseovering on the navigation frame is even done tastefully and correctly. Like using the <BLINK> tag, bad mouseovering says “I learned HTML off of the back of a cereal box.” Oberhauser does a nice job overall. Black bullet points on a dark purple background don’t really make much of an impression, but you get the gist of it. The “Breath of Fresh Air” artwork is crisp, easy-to-read, and even clever.
The sub-pages lay out the points needed, while not doing a bad job with layout and design. The sub-page header graphics are too dark and hard-to-read, but the text layout is easily digestible. Font color #CCCCCC isn’t the best selection for that dark gray text, but it’s not terrible.
On the whole, well done. Just needs some tweaking. Could have been a lot worse.
Ariel Friedler
“The file you requested does not exist.” Uh-duh.
Paul Zelenski
Why must you waste my time? Baby pictures? “I hate ASG.” Okay, so far we’ve established that you were once a child, and that you don’t like ASG. I assume both of those are already public knowledge, therefore you have contributed to the world a site with no content and terrible layout. Huzzah! Huzzah!
Evil Dave Sheldon
I left the best for last. This site was a pleasure to review. “Are you ready?”
My first reaction was scoffing at what I thought was stupid and badly-programming JavaScript animating the intro to his site. What I found by being patient and going to the powerful “View Source” menu item, is that the JavaScript is actually quite well-programmed, and, though too long for most surfers, the intro is kinda cool. Once you survive EDS’s attack (which the help of HBK, HHH and 1-2-3-Syxx), his homepage is pretty decent also. The background image is nice, the color scheme stands out, the copy is brief and non-monotonous (except for the Debate page), and most importantly, it keeps you on your toes. That’s hard to do.
One thing Evil Dave has is tradition, and he plays off it well. “He’ll Put the ‘R’ Back in ASG” is funny, poignant, and just as effective as a flashy graphic. And the archive of old campaign is a nice touch as well. Just like a greatest hits album, the site incorporates the whole body of work.
As I said, this site keeps you off-balance. Very few sites do this. The HTML work, layout, etc., are good, which gives him the opportunity to make an impact with his content. The whole package does just that.
Vice-President
Lara Leniton
Words, words, words…okay, I’m bored, what’s next?
Academic Vice-President
Manu Bhardwaj
Homepage—content-deprived. Platform page—content-flooded. Nice shirt, but daoism stresses balance, if my ninth-grade social studies teacher taught me well.
Todd Connor
Cute header graphic, nasty Windows 95-esque background, and once again, too many words which nobody will ever get to the end of.
Student Services Vice-President
Jenny Moore
Hey, cute pic. Actually, the site is quite well-done, good artwork, not taking herself too seriously, trying to go light on the text, but failing at times. The bottom line: she had the guts to put up a photo archive, and more importantly, her father is Roger Moore!!!
Levi Wolfe—write-in
That header graphic is really, really nasty. But he does make his point while not rambling, and presents his case and campaign in a concise manner. He won’t be hired for any web design jobs in the near future, but the “I am a real American” decor is kinda cute. Maybe he should have put up pics of Jenny Moore, though.